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GRANT LEISHMAN

16 and pregnant with twins by elizabeth van der wilt

5/1/2018

2 Comments

 
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16 and Pregnant with Twins by Elisabeth van der Wilt tells us the story of sixteen-year-old, Catholic home-schooled Lora who is totally innocent in the ways of the world. When she meets up with her fellow home-schooled friend, Tommy, the inevitable happens and some innocent exploration of feelings quickly turns to much more, as the two innocents experiment with sex. When Lora realises she is pregnant, she reluctantly tells her parents who respond by throwing her out of the house and banning her from their family. Fortunately Tommy and Tommy's parents are much more supportive and pledge to help her and the young couple, especially when their first sonogram shows they are expecting twins. 

Elisabeth van der Wilt admits at the end of 16 and Pregnant with Twins that she wrote this story when she was twelve years old and for that she should be commended. However and consequently it does indeed read like a middle-grader's essay on the subject. The dialogue is unbelievable and poorly constructed and the story meanders from one event to the next, with no clear destination in mind. Don't get me wrong, there is a story in here and a good story, but what it needs is two things: A good content editor to tidy up the grammar and the structure of the story and a good proofread to remove and correct all the incorrect words, missing words, and typos. I would commend van der Wilt for this effort, but suggest it is not ready to be on sale and she should seriously consider making the corrections before re-offering it on Amazon. As I said, she is to be commended for being able to produce work of this quality at a young age and I hope she continues to write and continues to improve over time.

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You can take a look at 16 and Pregnant with Twins by Elisabeth van der Wilt here on Amazon: 

2 Comments
Kitty Benedict link
9/1/2018 00:21:03

This book was an amazing read. She did have a few mistakes here and there but a) for her age to get published hello this was awesome b) everyone starts out small she didn't have a big fan group like huge celebrities. c) and for her commitment to it all was amazing. I am so glad I bought and read this book. People always judge. I deal with that myself all the time for my online works... but this book was a wonderful read.

Reply
Grant Leishman
10/1/2018 08:21:57

Thank you for your comment Kitty. I think perhaps I need to clarify a few things. I was asked to do a review of this book by the author - an honest review. The book did not have a few mistakes, it was full of mistakes. Yes, there is a good story there, but none of what you wrote negates the fact that it needed a good editor. I certainly gave her credit for having written this at twelve and then having it published, but she has chosen to put her book out there in competition with all other indie authors and as such must be judged on that basis, the same way as they all are. I did not denigrate the book or the author and I gave it three stars, which is more than most reviewers would have given it. I'm glad you enjoyed the book, but yes, I was asked to judge and that's exactly what I did. This young lady has talent, but none of us can survive without good editing and she needs to understand that. I had no intention of upsetting anyone with my review and as I said, it was requested by the author and it was requested that it be an honest review. I stand by my comments and again congratulate her for her efforts.

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