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    • BOOK REVIEWS
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GRANT LEISHMAN

Self-Improvement/Self-Acceptance?

26/1/2015

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One of the things I like to do every day before I start my day's writing is to watch or listen to some inspirational videos. It seems to give me the mind-set that I am seeking when I begin the day's writing exercise. 

Over the past six month's I have enrolled in, or subscribed to; many of the current, so called, experts or gurus in the self-help or motivational field. You know the sort of thing I mean - "How to get a millionaire's brain", "The secret they forgot to tell you in 'The Secret' movie", or "How to manifest your dreams without even trying".To be fair most of them just warrant a glance or a quick read and then are consigned to the recycle bin. I don't mind them though - it doesn't take too long to skim through them each morning and invariably inside some of them are a collection of "inspirational" videos that I can watch to kick-start my day. I quite enjoy looking for the hidden gems among the dross. To date, I've managed to resist that temptation to actually buy a product, although they are very, very clever marketers and they are real good at pushing the right buttons in your mind and your consciousness. I have come close on a couple of occasions, but whenever that happens I just sit back and think to myself, "Now what will Thess say when I tell her I've bought it?" That's usually enough to stop me. 

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Anyway, getting back to the theme of this blog, I found an absolute gem this morning that got me thinking and the more I thought about it, the more I came to understand and believe what the presenter was saying and the more I wanted to share it with you. His message was very basic. "The reason most self-help, self-improvement systems and programs don't work is incredibly simple: "YOU ARE NOT BROKEN - YOU DON'T NEED TO BE FIXED!" Now this really got me to thinking. What did he mean, "I am not broken? Aren't we all just a little bit broken - isn't that what everyone always tells us?" and therein lies the hidden truth. "Everyone says this, and everyone believes it. We are conditioned to believe we are damaged goods, that we are not perfect." 

What this presenter was saying was the exact opposite - WE ARE PERFECT! What is wrong with us in our self-perception. We have spent years listening to our parents, our friends, our colleagues and society in general telling us what is wrong with us, where we need to improve, what we need to change in ourselves to be successful in life. By the time we reach adulthood we are so crammed full of self doubt and angst that many of us need to seek help from therapists or self-help experts to try and straighten ourselves out. This is the nub of the billion dollar self-help industry and it is this collective fear of our own shortcomings that keeps that industry and its practitioners rolling in their lucre. What he was saying was you don't need to change a damn thing about yourself, you just need to accept that you are complete and perfect and use your "God given" gifts and talents to make your life everything you ever dreamed it could be.

To me, this seemed revolutionary, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Now, don't get me wrong, this guy wanted to sell me something as well. He wanted to sell me a program that would allow me to discover, develop and utilize those "God-given" talents. The point was, it made total sense to me as I turned it over in my mind. Both my wife and I are believers in and practitioners of "positive thinking" as portrayed by Rhonda Byrne in her film and book: "The Secret" as well as her subsequent books "The Magic" and "The Hero". Since we have adopted this positive outlook on the world, I won't say that our physical lives have changed much (although that will come!) but our emotional well-being, our spiritual depth and our mind-sets have altered immeasurably for the better. We are now both extremely happy with where we are in our lives and we know that every day it gets better and better, in every way. One thing we do every night is drift off to sleep listening to an audio book of "The Hero". I almost know the whole book by heart by now. There is one statement that Rhonda makes in that book that resonated with me the second I heard the presenter's comments this morning. She says; "There is not one human quality that you are lacking to complete the Hero's journey and to realize your dreams. Everything you will ever need is already inside of you." That statement now made total sense to me.              

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I then tried to look at the proposition from a spiritual perspective. If you are a Christian and believe in God, then let's consult his Holy Word for guidance. In Genesis it clearly states that man (and ultimately woman) was created in God's image. Now, if God is perfection, and as a Christian you believe that, and we are created in his image then ipso facto, we are perfection. So, the idea of perfection certainly fits with Western Christian dogma, I can't speak for other religions as I don't know enough about them, however I do know that when it comes to the great questions of life, most religions are fairly consistent in their principles - across the board, so it's quite possible that this concept would sit comfortably within other faiths. 

OK, so if we believe what we see and hear here, then what is wrong with us that we cannot achieve the type of lives we desire? I guess the hardest part of the whole exercise is to identify and reject other people's perceptions of ourselves and focus only on how we truly perceive ourselves and what WE want to change about ourselves. Now, that is where you may well need the help of a life-coach or a life-guru. 

PictureThe new positive me!
For me, the first step is accepting that although I may well be perfect as a human being, my behaviors, attitudes and thoughts do not always reflect that perfection. I am, through, constant immersion in positive and inspirational medium, trying to change those behaviors, attitudes and thoughts. Guess what - IT'S WORKING! I have gone from a morose, self-centered, grumpy, old fart (my son's words) to a loving, caring, happy, positive, fulfilled and driven husband, step-father and human being (my wife's words). There are still things I want to change in the way I deal with some circumstances and situations, but the important thing is they are things I truly want to change about myself, not things other people tell me I should change. Your self-perception really is all that matters in this life. If you are happy with yourself, great things will happen in your life. 

PictureThe absolute joy of my life
I have seen similar changes in my beautiful, darling wife. She was always a positive person, so she probably had less distance to go than I did, but now she is not just positive - she is downright joyful. She has become purpose-driven. She knows exactly what she wants to achieve and she is busily making that happen. That is the other lesson I took from today's presentation that I would love to share. There is only NOW in this life. Yesterday's now has already gone and time spent dwelling, obsessing, and hand-wringing over what has gone before is just ruining this NOW for you. By all means, apologize to those who were hurt in the past, if its needed, but move on an live in the current NOW. Why? Because it is the current NOW that creates your future NOW. What you do today, right this minute, is the sole determinant of how your future NOW will be.     

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You are the captain of this ship of life. It is your decisions and actions right now that determine the future. If you are positive, joyful, happy and purpose-driven NOW, this will create a future of positive results, joy, happiness and purpose. Don't come to the end of your life and have an enormous list of things you wished you had done...make that list very, very short or non-existent.

Life is awesome! Live it with all the passion and joy you can. Discover your bliss and follow it with every fiber of your being. You will reap the rewards of what you sow.       

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"Breeding Like Rabbits!"

24/1/2015

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I have to admit that I thought I was finished with the Pope's visit to our fair shores, but true to form, we have one final parting thought from the Pontiff that has caused some angst and shock among the faithful. Apparently Francis made a statement at his press conference on the plane returning him to Rome, along the lines that "To be a good Catholic does not necessitate breeding like rabbits." 

To me, it was just an off-the-cuff remark made by a man who was weary and unguarded after a long and at times very trying (weather-wise) visit to Sri Lanka and The Philippines. I think what is important here is to remember, among all the euphoria of the Papal visit is that first and foremost, Pope Francis is a man - a human being, and as such he will sometimes say things that are not always politically correct, indeed may be mistakes and not intended that way. We do have a tendency to lionize our leaders - to give them a pedestal that places them above us mere mortals. Even more so, the Pope - the leader of the 1.2 billion Catholics across the world. Many people firmly believe that the Pope is God's chosen messenger on earth, and as such they have a tendency to deify him and give him a persona that places him somewhere between Earth and Heaven. 

The Pope is human, just like you and me. He pulls his pants on one leg at a time in the morning, just like we do and if we wanted to be vulgar, he has to visit the toilet as regularly as we do. If you want more proof of the Pope's humanity, you only need look at photographs of this man when he was Archbishop of Buenos Aries - when he was just plain Archbishop Jorge Mario Bergoglio. If you "google" photos of this time in his life you will see he was often pictured as a tired looking, elderly cleric who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Compare that to Pope Francis, as he is today and you will get some idea of what I'm trying to say. Now, he really does have the weight of the world on his shoulders and yet what we see now is a smiling, confident, grandfatherly like, elderly man who seems to have boundless energy, a real sense of fun and a never-ending compassion for the marginalized in our Society. Clearly, Pope Francis has changed the way he approaches his tasks as Pontiff, from his days as an Archbishop. He is still the same man, but he realizes that his role as the leader of the Universal Church requires something other than the piety, solemnity and gravity that he brought to his previous role.      

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Pope Francis has no doubt realized the inappropriateness of his "breeding like rabbits" statement and has already been distancing himself from his comments. In one of his latest pronouncements he stated that he believed that large families were wonderful. I was amused, however, to read some of the comments of horror and outrage that followed the Pontiff's gaffe. Funniest of all was from Senator Sotto who stated that he refused to believe that the Pope would have said any such a thing. I guess this makes some sense though, as it seems to me that all politicians in this country believe that there are classes of humans (levels if you like) and those at the top (themselves included) are not capable of committing simple mistakes and revealing their human frailties. How much more then that the Pope would stand at the very top of this human triangle. Well, I'm sorry to say that all those that felt horror and angst over the Pope's comments seem to have forgotten his humanity and his human frailty. 

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What is way more important, in my opinion, is the message that the Pontiff left us with and continues to remind us of, upon his return to The Vatican. The underlying causes of poverty are NOT large families, as so many of the uninformed people in the Western World seem to contend, but the underlying causes of poverty ARE first and foremost, inequality in the distribution of resources and secondly, but probably equally important (especially here) corruption. 

My fervent hope is that these two issues will be continued to be addressed by whatever party or people's populate Malacanang after 2016. I personally believe the Aquino administration has made a real and concerted effort to start reforms in these area, although I am aware many consider otherwise. As I write this I am watching on television, in the background, the resumption of the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee inquiry into alleged overpricing of the Makati Town Hall Building II. Despite what some are saying, and despite the drama and theatrics that these blood-letting sessions bring, they truly are necessary. 

Here's the thing - of course this investigation is politically motivated, but that is IRRELEVANT. If there is corruption, I don't care how it is uncovered, or indeed why it was uncovered. 

The man under investigation is planning to run for the Presidency of this Country in 2016 - the people deserve to know if he is corrupt or not and if he's not corrupt then surely he has nothing to fear. We must seek out and expose corruption wherever it exists and if this steps on a few toes or upsets a few people's sensibilities, then I say so be it!      

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As usual I do seem to be straying into one of my other great passions - politics, so I'll get back to the Pope's basic message. 

We (all of the world), need to address the issues raised by Pope Francis - especially those of inequality and corruption. I read something absolutely horrifying this morning. According to Oxfam (a widely respected NGO), by next year 50% of the world's resources will be owned and controlled by just 1% of the world's population. Even more scarily Oxfam offer us their calculation that the bottom 80% of the population will own and control just 5.5% of the world's resources. I guess, using my very basic math's skills from High-School, that means the remaining 19% of the population (I assume this is the middle-class) own and control the balance of 44.5% of the world's resources.      

All I ask is that you just contemplate those claims for a few minutes. 

Doesn't that seem wrong? 

How can it possibly be right or equitable that just 1% of humanity can control half the world's resources? How can it possibly be right that 80% of our fellow human beings can only own 5.5% of the world's resources. Inequality is what leads to almost every social ill we face across the planet; poverty, crime, rebellion and ultimately civil-anarchy. 

It is wrong, as many try to claim, that social ills are caused by religion and religious conflict. Invariably religious conflict is created by fundamentalists who twist and warp their faiths to meet their own agendas. Why they manage to gain such traction is simple - they are preaching to the 80% of this world who only control 5.5% of the world's resources. All that huge mass of humanity is seeking is a way out of poverty or someone to blame for their situations - fundamentalists give them a perfect scapegoat and target for their despair and rage.  

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So, what is to be done? How can we address this massive inequality and how can we heed the Pontiff's message? 

At an international level I think two things are required. 

Firstly, the leaders of the developed world must accept that their nations, through firstly physical colonization and the accompanying systematic rape of the colonized country's resources and secondly through the process of economic colonization (or as some like to call it - globalization) they again have continued to contribute to the exploitation and raping of the developing world's resources for their own profits The international community must use the arms in its arsenal; such as The World Bank, The International Monetary Fund, The United Nations, The World Economic Forum and the many and varied social equality NGO's around the world to begin to address the inequality. 

Whether this can successfully happen is open to debate, but what I am starting to see around the developed world is an understanding that they do not operate independently, that the nation states who "have" DO owe a duty to the nation states that "do not have". Whether this realization is driven to some extent by fear (of the "do not haves") or whether it is driven by a collective national conscience, I'm unsure, but all I can hope is that the work currently being done to address the global inequalities, as well as the work on climate change (which affects the poor far more greatly than the wealthy) continues to grow apace.

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If we bring the message back home to our own beautiful land - what can we as individuals do to address the massive inequalities that we see every day on the streets of the Metro and in the barrios of the Provinces? How can we continue to implement and live the Pope's message of compassion and mercy?

I guess most importantly we must ensure that come 2016 we elect a President and an administration that is committed to continuing, expanding on and completing the reforms begun by the Aquino administration. As voters you all owe a duty to your fellow Filipinos to ensure that we NEVER return to the days of patronage politics, cronyism and endemic corruption. If all the funds lost to corruption were instead channeled to the marginalized in our society, massive strides could be made in addressing this issue.   

I was personally particularly moved by one of the lines of the song that was, I think written specifically for the Pope's visit. I may not have the lyrics dead right, but it went something like this: "Have you ever held the children's hands, when you gave them alms - have you ever bought them bread to eat". What that line said to me was it was not enough to just give a street kid or a beggar a few pesos and then to walk away, conscience salved. What it says to me is that we, who are lucky enough to, if not be one of the "haves" then at least be one of the "has some" have a duty not just to share what we have with those who are in the "have nots" group, but we actually have a duty to connect with them on a much deeper level.

So, what can we do? My challenge to all Filipinos who are comfortable in their lives is to move out of their "comfort zones" and become actively involved in making a difference in the lives of the "have nots". Get out from behind the walls of your gated communities and become involved in the lives of your fellow human beings - your fellow Filipinos. Maybe you could join an NGO (Preferably not a Janet Lim Napoles NGO) that works with the marginalized in our society and volunteer that most precious commodity that you have - your time. Pope Francis calls on us all to show mercy and compassion - let us heed his call in the most practical way possible.

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Finally I want to appeal to the Churches (all of them - not just the Catholic Church) - the shepherds of their flocks, to get out of their flash, opulent buildings, with all the accompanying trappings of wealth and security, and to actually engage on a personal level with your flocks. As Pope Francis says; our most important role is pastoral, as "Pastors" to our flocks. If the people are not coming to you, go and meet them where they live, where they struggle to survive. 

Francis embodies the true character of the Jesuit Priest, one who is less concerned about his own comfort than he is about the comfort of his flock. 

To all the priests, pastors, reverends, church leaders, and laity out there - follow the example of humility and generosity shown by Pope Francis. 

Without a doubt that is the most important message Pope Francis brought to our shores and my fervent hope is that the "good feelings" and "good intentions" (The Francis Factor), that his visit gave us, will indeed last longer than the proverbial "two weeks". 

Pope Francis brought us his humility, his humanity and his vision for the future - let us heed that and act today. 

Again I say maraming, maraming salamat Po...Lolo Kiko we love you!

The end of the Papal Visit - I promise       

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Papa Francisco - Mahal ng Filipino!

22/1/2015

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Well, Pope Francis has left the building. 

His five days spent in our Country has seen much of the Metro grind to a halt and has also seen such an outpouring of love and devotion that I, for one, have certainly never witnessed. As a non-Catholic I have always been a tad skeptical of the Catholic Church and its trappings of great wealth and great power. I am now a convert. The Papacy, in the form of Pope Francis, has given me renewed hope for the future of the Catholic Church. This Pope personifies everything that a religious leader should be; caring, loving, deeply committed to his flock and most of all full of humanity, humility, mercy and compassion. I can honestly say that there were times in the past few days when I have been moved incredibly deeply by the depth of feelings generated within me by Francis' words. 

To say that the 80 million Catholics in this country have taken Papa Francisco (or Lolo Kiko) to their hearts, minds and souls would be a total understatement. From the second he stepped out from the Sri Lankan airline's plane and his skullcap blew off, the entire country has taken this man to their hearts. Filipino's love and adore their Pope. 

I, along with six or seven million other Filipino's (the number varies depending on who you listen to) made the trek on Sunday to celebrate an open air mass at the Quirino Grandstand, with their beloved Papa Francisco. I agreed to go with my darling wife for a number of reasons, but principal among those was the idea that only once in my lifetime would I probably have a chance to be part of something as big, as momentous and as powerful as this - upwards of seven million people all converging on one place with the same self purpose; to celebrate their faith. I wanted to experience this just once in my life, so we determined to go. 

PictureJust a tiny part of the millions
To say it was an easy day would be wrong. It was certainly far from easy - in fact at times it was downright uncomfortable and tough, but it was an amazing, awesome day and one that I will treasure in my memory banks and my heart forever. A wise man, whose pronouncements I follow closely, once said; "Don't spend money on things - spend money on experiences." On Sunday, Thess and I spent some time and only a small amount of money, on an experience and both of us are so much richer for having done. 

To give those of you outside of The Philippines some idea of the experience of being part of such a blessed event, I'll do my meager best to describe what it felt like to be a part of that moving sea of humanity and why it means so very much to every Filipino who attended or lined the streets to cheer and wave at the Pope's motorcades over these five days.    

PictureRelaxing before the rain came
One thing I have learnt in my years in this country is that above all else, Filipino's are among the happiest people in the world (and it is important to note that many have no reason to be so - and yet they are). The Filipino psyche just loves an occasion - a celebration - a party - a fiesta - a reason to sing, to dance and to laugh. The visit of Pope Francis gave us all those things and just to be able to be a part of that seething tide of humanity that made its way into Luneta Park on Sunday was both a privilege and an honor for me. I was swept along in a moving sea of people who were laughing, chatting and enjoying their occasion - this was their opportunity to celebrate the visit of their most revered icon within the Church - Their Pope (The People's Pope). They had already taken Pope Francis deep within their hearts. They happily chanted: Lolo Kiko - We Love You and Papa Francisco - Mahal Ng Filipino! 

Far and away the most important reason for all these people to have flocked to see and to hear Pope Francis, however, is their deep and abiding faith. Don't let anyone tell you that the Filipino is drifting away from the Church. Yes, Masses may not be as well attended as in previous years (although many more still attend Mass regularly than in any other country), but deep within the Filipino heart is an unshakable belief in the power of the Almighty and the sure and certain belief that God will look after them. They are a deeply religious people and although there is a veneer of urban sophistication on the surface, especially here in the Metro, always very close beneath is their faith. Scratch the veneer even slightly and you will see their true faith and beliefs emerge.    

By the time Thess and I had maneuvered our way from the entrance at Luneta Park, through innumerable checkpoints, barriers and seemingly impenetrable walls of people, to our final spot to the right of the Quirino Grandstand, several hours had passed. We found a good spot to sit, within one of the quadrants by around 10am and just as we settled down to pass the time until the mass at 3.30pm, the rain began - a rain that did not cease for the remainder of the day. Both of us were ill-prepared for this blessing from the skies, in just light clothes and no raincoats - before long we were thoroughly drenched and extremely cold. Fortunately we decided to try and move a little closer to the stage, which we were successful in doing, and we were able to seek some partial shelter from the rain under a tree. There we waited the hours until the Pope's arrival. We were cold, we were wet, and we were extraordinarily uncomfortable - but we were there and we were so happy to be so!

What are my most abiding memories of Pope Francis' visit. To be honest there are just so, so many moving moments that it would be hard to pick just a few. Both Thess and I found ourselves glued to the television for the entire time he was here. We just couldn't stop watching what was so incredibly compelling. Both of us were frequently deeply moved by what we witnessed and heard in front of our eyes on the excellent almost round-the-clock coverage. If I were to summarize just a few highlight for me personally, they would be: 

PictureUnbowed by the weather the faithful greet Pope Francis at Tacloban
1/ My absolute top moment had to be being a part of the open-air Mass at Quirino Grandstand. I doubt I've ever felt so uncomfortable in all my life and yet also so blessed and euphoric at the same time. That day is one I will treasure for eternity. 

2/ Just as the Pope arrived at Quirino Grandstand, we along with everyone else rushed forward, cell phones held high, hoping to catch a glimpse and get a precious photo of the Pontiff. Just in front of me was a young man, perhaps in his early twenties. Like me he was dressed only in a t-shirt and shorts and like me he was dripping wet. What drew my attention to him was he was shivering from head to toe. His lips where quivering wildly, his hands were shaking uncontrollably and I'm pretty sure even his knees were knocking. The man was freezing, but it was his face that drew my attention. His mouth was split in an enormous grin, he was laughing with a sheer unabashed joy and his eyes shone with a light that gave away the happiness, of the moment, that was within him. For me, this one event encapsulated what the visit of Pope Francis meant to ordinary Filipinos. No suffering was too much for even just a mere glimpse of the leader of their Faith. I was moved deeply by this young man's complete and utter devotion to his faith.      

3/ The Mass at Tacloban Airport: We watched on television, as Tropical Storm Amang battered the crowds, the Pope and all who attended that amazing Mass at the Airport. The Pope was absolutely determined that he had to visit Tacloban and comfort the victims of Typhoon Yolanda and the Bohol Earthquake. I remember commenting to Thess as we watched the Mass unfold amid the wind and the rain - it is almost appropriate that this Mass is played out amid another Tropical disturbance. It will give the Pope just a small feel of what the survivors endured. 

PictureMy beloved wife - singing and dancing in the rain
4/ The words the Pope spoke to the faithful at Tacloban. I wondered what the Pope would say to the survivors of the horror that was Yolanda. Would he try and find a reason for what happened? Would he suggest some divine plan? Or would he try and blame man's own stupidity in damaging the environment? He did none of those. His words were as simple as they were compelling and meaningful. All he said was (and I paraphrase a little here) - I have no words to offer you to explain what happened; all I have is the silence and tears of my heart. By the time Francis had finished his homily there were few, if any, dry eyes in the crowd or indeed among the millions of us watching on television. 

5/ The Mass at the University of Santo Tomas: Francis spoke so movingly of a young girl's question - a question delivered through a veil of tears. "Why do the children always have to suffer?"  was her question of the Pope. His answer was both meaningful and moving. He reminded us all that until we learn to truly weep ourselves, at the injustices of our world, we can never understand or change the suffering of the people, especially of the children. We must learn to cry and to be moved by their suffering before we can act. 

6/ Finally, the response of a Father to the loss of his only daughter gave us such great insight into the depth of faith of the Filipino. Sadly, a young volunteer was killed when a scaffold fell on her at the completion of the Tacloban Mass amid the furious winds and rain of Tropical Storm Amang. When Pope Francis returned to Manila he asked to meet the young girl's Father (her Mother was working in Hong Kong as an Overseas Foreign Worker (OFW). She was their only daughter and during the meeting her Father explained to Francis that he had planned to watch the Papal Visit only on television, but that his beloved daughter had organised for him to meet the Holy Father. The Pope's response to the bereaved Father was relayed to us by Cardinal Tagle. He was so moved by the Father's comments, the Cardinal told us, that his only words were: "Such Faith - Such Faith". 

PictureJust thrilled to be there
This visit by Pope Francis may well be the only time he comes to this Country, given his age and his hectic schedule, but for five glorious days we were privileged to welcome, to praise and to be blessed by him. This will live on in the memories of millions of Filipinos for many years to come. Those that were lucky enough to meet, to talk and to touch the Holy Father will joyfully tell their Grandchildren of the day they met Pope Francis. For those of us who were only able to glimpse him on television, or from a distance there will still be that wonderful knowledge that WE WERE THERE - We shared the collective joy and happiness of a Papal Visit. 

There is little left to say about these five very special days in the life of this Country. Papa Francisco we are richer for your visit, we are stronger for your visit and most of all we are empowered and emboldened by your words and actions. May the power of love and peace that settle over this Country for the five days you graced us with your presence, last forever. You gave us all a little piece of yourself, and for that we are all eternally grateful.      

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MARAMING, MARAMING SALAMAT PO POPE FRANCIS! 



LOLO KIKO - WE LOVE YOU!



PAPA FRANCISCO - MAHAL NG FILIPINO!         

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Happiness is?

17/1/2015

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PictureParadise - The Woman I love and just one of those awesome grand-children
I'm feeling a tad philosophical today, so I'm going to wax a bit lyrical and investigate some deeper thoughts on life and love. 

You know, it wasn't that long ago that I had no idea what the answer to the question I've posed in my title was. I had spent so many years, like many other people, chasing dreams that were either not what I really wanted, or worse, were actually bad for me. I guess like everyone else out there we all tried the hit and miss methods of seeking happiness. 

The last four years of my life have taught me some inalienable truths about life. I try never to have any regrets, as I've always been a firm believer that everything that has happened to me up to this point was leading me, in a circuitous route at times, to the exact spot where I am now. But, if I was to allow myself just one regret it would be that it took me so long to wake up to myself and realize just what it was that I really wanted. 

So, you may ask, what are there inalienable truths I've learnt about life, oh great Sage?

1/ YOU are the commander of your own destiny. Nothing that happens in your life, outside of you, is controllable by you. Only you can chart the course of your own life. Only you can make your reality what it is and should be. Too often we accept other people's expectations and limitations on us, without question. You know exactly what I'm talking about: Our parents, our teachers, our peers, our friends, they all impose their own limitations on us. "Oh come on, you can't possibly do that, it's just too hard for you."; "Don't be silly, that's not a real job. You need to get a real job and earn money to support your family. It's a great hobby, but it's not a job."; "You should stick to what you know, what you're good at." From the day we are born we are conditioned by others as to who and what we should be and become. I finally said no more to that conditioning. Writing is my bliss and it's what I'll do from now until my final breath. Everything else will take care of itself.  

So - Happiness is being an individual - doing what you want and doing what gives you joy; being the boss of your own life. 

2/ There's no point in doing whatever you want to do, if you have to do it alone, with nobody to share that joy with. Solo joy is no joy at all. We are social animals - we were born to love and to be loved. Without love, life has no meaning. There is a reason that humanity organised itself, over time, into family groups. The family is the ultimate unit for sharing love. I don't care how your family is constituted - whether it is two men, two women, a mixture of both, de-facto or married - what is important is that family is the source of all love and the only point for being. We can pretend we are happy to be alone, to live our life solo, but the truth is, I don't believe it. We need to love and to be loved to fully enjoy life. 

So - Happiness is loving and being loved. 

3/ There's absolutely no point in worrying about the past or what you did in the past. It is gone - it is unchangeable and it is HISTORY. Learn from it, apologize to those who need apologizing to and move on. Equally there is no point in worrying about the future. By all means plan for the future, but don't worry about it - it will be here soon enough. The only thing you can change is the here and now - right this very second, so live every second to the fullest. I always used to wonder what people meant when they said they planned to "live more in the present". I get it now. The present - your reality today, is all there is. There may be no tomorrow, yesterday's well and truly done and dusted, so there really is only today. 

Life is short and it certainly is not a dress-rehearsal. Do you really want to be sitting back in a rest-home when you reach your dotage, wondering about what might have been. Forget the "bucket lists", just do what you want to do now. If you've dreamed of always trying something, then just do it - forget about what everyone else says - just do it. On average we only get to live around 27-29,000 days and I don't know about you, but I've already wasted a fair few of them, so for me it's all about cramming every experience I desire into what time is left. 

So - Happiness is living every day like it's your last (It just might be)

4/ Make your attitude right. I finally realized that living is actually a true privilege and no matter where you are in your journey, if you maintain the right attitude, you can make the most of whatever situation you find yourself. 

What is the right attitude? For me it is an attitude of gratefulness. Gratefulness for life, gratefulness for family, gratefulness for everything I have in my life. I can guarantee you that no matter what your circumstances are there is ALWAYS something you can be grateful for. No matter how bad you might think your life is - there's always someone worse off than you. If nothing else we can be grateful for the air we breathe, the plants in the garden, the eyes we see with, the sleep we have, the life we are blessed to lead every day. Gratefulness is the most powerful force that I've discovered to actually improve my life and change my reality. There's both an emotional and a physical benefit to approaching every day with a grateful attitude. Don't just believe me - try it and see. It works. 

So - Happiness is approaching every situation with an attitude of gratefulness. 

That is my simple recipe for a happy life. There's so much more that can be added, but I'll end now by summarizing the changes in my life that have occurred from following these four basic principles. 

1/ I'm living my dream - I'm a full-time writer now, soon to be published author. 

2/ I live in paradise (well my version of it anyway) with a woman I love and adore, some step-kids who are awesome and some grand-kids who are even more awesome (if that's possible) 

3/ When something new presents itself that I've never tried before, my first thought is always - "Why not?" rather than "Why?"

4/ Before, I could best be described as a grumpy old fart (Don't believe me? Just ask my son, it was him that called me that). Now, I'm relaxed, stress-free and loving every day I live with an attitude of deep gratitude for all I have and will have in the future.

NOW THAT'S HAPPINESS - FOR ME! 

What is it for you?       



   

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An Awesome Team

16/1/2015

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Today I want to focus on my favorite sport - Volleyball, and more particularly, the UAAP women's iteration of the game. 

Like many other people last Sunday I was glued to my seat to watch the rematch of last season's epic Grand Final series, as the Ateneo Lady Eagles (the current champions) took on the De La Salle Lady Spikers. Even though this was just the first round of the elimination series, such was the anticipation for this game that over 18,000 people packed the Mall of Asia Arena, with no doubt millions more watching the live coverage on Channel 23. 

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For Ateneo the task was going to be difficult. After representing the Philippines in the Asean University Games prior to Christmas, they had missed the last week of the round and needed to make up games. 

After struggling against UP in their first game back, the previous Sunday, they were faced with back to back games on the Saturday and Sunday, to catch up. Fortunately the Saturday game was against perennial easy-beats University of the East, and proved to be nothing more strenuous than a solid, practice workout. So come Sunday, they were ready and primed for their epic match against De La Salle, with the Lady Eagles seeking confirmation of their dominance and the Lady Spikers seeking redemption for last season's final's humiliation. 

It was, as promised, an epic encounter with the fortunes swinging first one way and then the other. The game went to the almost mandatory five sets between these two great rivals, and although the score was secondary in many ways, the result was not. Like last year's final, The Ateneo Lady Eagles fought through the tiredness, fought through the difficulties and fought through their opposition, to claim the fifth set and the victory 15-9.

After the game it occurred to me that this Ateneo team really is something special. They have something that all sports teams strive for...that never say die attitude. So what is it that makes this Ateneo team so special - far greater, as a team, than the much vaunted years of "the fab five"?

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The first difference that is apparent is the Coach - Tai Bundit. With no disrespect to Roger Gorayeb, who I think is an awesome coach, Tai Bundit has done, with this team of relative rookies, what Roger Gorayeb was unable to do with his "fab five" - made them into winners. When I first heard that Ateneo had hired a coach who spoke no Tagalog and only limited English I remember laughing to myself and thinking; "Well that's Ateneo's chances shot - what a dumb idea." How wrong was I? I have no idea what it is that Coach Tai has brought to these young ladies, but it is definitely something magical. His "Happy, Happy" mantra and the "Heart-strong" rallying call has galvanized this team into something very special. 

The sight of the girls sitting down at a timeout in last year's final, with their eyes closed; meditating, was frankly amazing - and yet it worked. Tai Bundit has caught the imagination of the Volleyball faithful. with his victory dances up and down the sidelines and his constant imploring the girls to be happy and to smile on the court. He is a breath of fresh air in the UAAP and clearly a big influence on the team - long may he continue to coach here. He is inspirational! 

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The next obvious difference between the two teams is just one person. 

Without a doubt, Alyssa Valdez encapsulates everything that is special and exciting about the UAAP Women's Volleyball. She is an out and out superstar and when she finally graduates the league will be the lesser for it. It is one of the endearing beauties of the UAAP that every year teams have to find new players to replace their graduating players, but part of me just wishes that Alyssa never has to graduate. 

There have been other players in the past that have captured the public's imagination; one can think of Rachel Daquis, who was the poster girl of the league for both her beauty and her ability; Jennylyn Reyes whose heroics as a Libero sent many spectators gasping in awe; and Abby Marano whose swagger and abilities endeared her to the public. But I would suggest that none of these great players can approach Alyssa Valdez for sheer charisma, ability and star-power. The woman is a true phenomenon who defines the sport she plays and yet she never comes across as anything other than humble, sweet and "the girl next door". Millions of boys would love to date her, and millions of girls would love to be her. 

She carries the weight of Ateneo's expectations on her shoulders, but she rarely, if ever fails to deliver. Oh, she is human - she does make mistakes (occasionally), but when you see her on the court, playing through yet another pain barrier, you know that when Ateneo gets desperate, they can always go to Alyssa, and she will deliver - and they invariably do. 

She is the reason many love this UAAP game and she is responsible for so much of Ateneo's success. 

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Next on the list of great contributors to this team has to be their Libero, Denden Lazaro. Over the past couple of years since the graduation of the incomparable Jennylyn Reyes, Denden has been quietly and confidently assuming the mantle of the preeminent Libero in the UAAP. One thing that is often forgotten in this game is that without great first-ball reception and accurate setting, a spiker's task is made that much harder. Ateneo have great first-ball reception and much of that is down to Denden. 

I often think the sign of a Libero's value to the team is not how many digs or receptions they make in a game, but actually how often the Libero is left on court when it is their team's service. Most coaches switch out the Libero when their team is serving, but if you look closely you will see Denden is often left on the court whether the team is serving or receiving. To me this is a sign of her importance and leadership within this team. She is responsible for saving points in what often seem hopeless situations.

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The other star, for me, of the Ateneo Lady Eagles is their setter, Jia Morado. The setter is crucial to the team's ability to score from the spike. You only have to look around the league to realize that so many teams with great spikers are struggling without accurate setting, to see the importance of the setter within the team. The National University Bulldogs have 6'4" Jaja Santiago, a powerful striker in Myla Pablo and several other players of quality, but this season without a settled and quality setter they are struggling to score victories. 

The instant Jia Morado came into this team last season, she looked like she belonged. She plays with a confidence that belies her tender experience. I will confidently predict that this season she will rise from number two setter to number one in the league. She is only getting better and better and like the rest of the team she admirably displays the mantra of Coach Tai in "Happy Happy", always looking like she is thoroughly enjoying herself on court. With three more years of eligibility after this, Ateneo will be well served in this role for some time. 

PictureThey call her the elevator - Ella de Jesus
The rest of the core of the Ateneo squad all do their bit from time to time. Amy Ahomiro provides variety with her "leftie" spike and when she is on song her services can be awesome and lethal. 

Bea de Leon is slowly developing the confidence to use her impressive 6'1" height to her and her team's advantage. As a sophomore she has much to still add to this team over the next few years. 

Next in line is one of my favorite players, Mich Morente. Every team needs a character, someone to make them laugh, someone whose enthusiasm is infectious and for Ateneo it seems Mich fills that role admirably. When she is playing well she can be a devastating player, but she brings much more than her play to the court. She brings the joy and excitement that makes high-level sport so enthralling. Even when she or some other team member makes a mistake, Mich is always there to console, to gee up the team and to give them the focus for the next point. She is, in my opinion, one of the key reasons why Ateneo keep defying the odds and winning. She just infuses her team with her bubbly personality. 

One final player who sums up the guts and courage of this Ateneo de Manila squad is Ella de Jesus. They call her "the elevator" - for good reason. I have no idea how tall she is, but I suspect about 5' 4" and yet this young lady who you would think should only be a Libero or at best a setter, is in fact one of Ateneo's most deadly spikers. Somehow she gets more height and more hang-time than players much taller then herself. On court she has a look of total determination and she gives everything she has in every game she plays. Nobody could ever accuse "the elevator" of giving less than 100%. She is an inspiration to watch, especially for those of us who are vertically challenged.  

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So, Ateneo are not just a one-trick pony - they are not just a one woman team. They are the epitome of what a "team" should be; united, dedicated, supportive, passionate and most importantly of all "HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!" 

Sure, when Alyssa and Denden have gone, things will never quite be the same, but somewhere out there in the High School volleyball programs around this country is the next Alyssa Valdez and the next Denden Lazaro, just waiting to be discovered and plucked from obscurity to become true superstars on the UAAP stage. 

This is why I love this game and this is why I love this competition. 

Roll on Wednesday and the second round of the elimination series. I can't wait!     
  

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To Pope or not to Pope? 

15/1/2015

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A few days from now Pope Francis jets into the Philippines. 

So what you say. What's the big deal? Well, to be perfectly honest, for me, as a non-Catholic, it never has been a particularly big deal. However, I do live in a country where I guess around 90% of the population are, if not practicing Catholics, then at least still retain the vestiges of the Catholicism that was draped around them as children. So, for most of the country it does seem like a big deal. This will be only the third Pope to visit the Philippines, and the fourth Papal Visit; Pope John Paul came here twice. To say the visit is creating immense excitement would be to understate the obvious. Catholics, and indeed most Filipinos seem to be excitedly looking forward to the Pontiff's arrival later this week. Flights have been disrupted or cancelled to accommodate the Pope's arrival; traffic will be diverted and people's everyday lives will be thrown into chaos for a few days - but truthfully nobody seems to mind. In fact, a four day holiday has been declared in the Metro Manila area whilst the Pope is in town. Yeah - this is a big deal! 

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What are my particular thoughts on the Pope and the Papacy? Up until last year I was very ambivalent towards the whole Papacy idea. To me, the Pope seemed nothing more than the CEO of one of the richest, most powerful, and lets be brutally honest, corrupt organisations in the world. He was elected by men who sought to put their own self-interest ahead of their flocks and as far as I was concerned most Popes through history had been either corrupt, self-serving or at their very worst downright evil. They never struck me as men of God...more as Gods of men! 


Pope John Paul did soften my attitude toward the Papacy somewhat - he always seemed genuine enough and well-meaning, but Pope Benedict it seemed was a throwback to the authoritarian, self-serving days of old. So what of this new Pope - Pope Francis. 

Without even really trying Pope Francis seems to have already carved out a niche for himself in the Church. He looks like and acts like everyone's favorite Grandfather. A smile is never far from his lips and most importantly, for any leader - he doesn't just talk the talk; this guy walks the walk! He preaches humility, he preaches compassion, he preaches care and concern for the poor. What the difference is, is that he doesn't just pay lip service to these creeds - he really lives them in his daily life and in his travels around the world. For the first time in a very long time I actually feel there is someone in charge of the Vatican who can 1/ Save the Church from itself and 2/ Change the world for the better. 

I'll be honest - I like this guy. To me he is everything a religious and world leader should be. He is kind, caring, compassionate and humble. His mission, it seems is to make a difference in the lives of the "have-nots" in our society and that seems to me to be a wonderful mission for a Pope to undertake. Sure, there are still many issues that dog the Catholic Church; such as priestly celibacy, birth-control, and corruption within the corridors of power, but with Pope Francis I really do see an opportunity for the Church to win back the many faithful who have left and more importantly to make a real difference in our world. 


This Pope is different in that he is very definitely "of this world". He makes no pretensions that he is anything special, but he uses the power that the Papacy gives him for spreading hope, and calling for social equality and justice in the world. I can't think of a better thing for a Pope to be doing. More power to you Francis and long may you stay on the Papal throne. 

PictureJust a small section of the five million people who flocked to John Paull II's Public Mass in 1996
The question that now arises is do I go and see the Pope? 

Well, firstly he is coming mainly to visit and comfort the survivors of Typhoon Yolanda and the Bohol Earthquake, so his main focus will be on Tacloban. He is in Manila for three days though and he is giving a Public Mass in Rizal Park on the Sunday, the day before he heads out. My wife casually asked me one day, "do we want to go?" Now, it may have been a casual question, but my immediate reaction was "Good God! No way! There's going to be millions of people there, and I mean literally millions. Why would we want to subject ourselves to that, especially in the heat?" So that was fine - we weren't going...end of story! 

 

As the days passed and I began to think on the whole Papal visit thing - I was struck by a curious thought. 

I am 55 years old and living in a foreign country, where I tend to stand out a fair bit because of my skin color. I've already done something few others have done - followed my dreams and started a new life, far, far away from home. I am adventurous, so why shouldn't I go and see the Pope? Why shouldn't I do something off the wall? 

How many people have the opportunity in their lifetime to be a part of something as massive as this Public Mass will be? I confidently predict that there will be somewhere between 10 and 15 million people heading to "see" the Pope next Sunday, why shouldn't I be one of those? 

So - we will be! My wife and I will go to the Public Mass in Rizal Park next Sunday and experience something amazing and different, and you know what I'm excited! 

Will we see the Pope? Almost certainly not! 
Does it matter? Not at all! 

Some might say we will be "Just a Drop in the Ocean" - but that's a whole different story.  

    
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