Christmas this past year was tinged with a touch of sadness at the passing of my father.

Now, Dad was 90, so he'd had a pretty good run and even up to the time of his death was enjoying a reasonable standard of health, given his age, so although his passing saddened me, I was comforted by the thought that he'd "had a good innings", as they say. I was also warmed by the fact he would now be reunited with my mother, his wife of over 60 years, who passed away almost six years ago now.

When I received the news of Dad's death, I was actually on holiday in a tiny village in the rural backwaters of Occidental Mindoro, The Philippines, called Rizal (my wife's home-town). Unfortunately, given the timing and a few other reasons I was unable to attend the funeral service, in Dunedin, New Zealand, for Dad, held just after Christmas.

I know had I been able to attend, there were a few things I would have liked to have said to him, before we said goodbye, so today I want to dedicate this blog to my father; Andrew Aitken Fleming Leishman, and express some of the sentiments I might have told him, had I been able to.    

Now Dad, was a product of his generation. He grew up in the tough times of the Great Depression and, as a teenager, he had watched from afar as the world went to war in that bloody conflict called World War II. He had known austerity and poverty and, it seemed to me,his one determination in life was to ensure that his family never had to suffer through some of the privations he had to. I am sure that it was this grounding (plus of course his Scottish heritage) that made him the man he was.

Dad's life pretty much revolved around work and his family. His sole concession to an outside interest was his involvement in the United Ancient Order of Druids, in which he rose through the ranks to become Grand President.

In later years he played bowls and the Caledonian Bowling Club became a large part of his routine, where he would become firstly President of the Club and later be awarded the special honours of Life Membership and Patron.  

He was a humble, quiet man who generally kept his own counsel and it was only in his latter years that I realized he did actually have strong opinions on issues and was prepared to articulate them.

For myself, the best memories I have of my father are those of caregiver. When Mum decided to return to her nursing career, after four children, it was Dad who stepped into the breach as caregiver during the weekends. Mum's work was usually Friday, Saturday and Sunday late afternoon and evenings, so it was left to Dad to look after my little sister and myself; my two older siblings generally being able to look after themselves. It was in this role that I was most grateful and thankful for Dad's attention and care.    

It was during this time that the Saturday morning library ritual was begun. Every Saturday morning Dad, my little sister and I would head for the Dunedin Public Library, where we would spend some of the happiest hours of my childhood just sitting, reading and deciding what exciting tales to take home for that week's enjoyment. It was here I got my love of books and it was here I discovered the true power and joy of words. I owe my father so much for introducing me to this wonderful world of books, at such an early age.

Sunday afternoons were also a special time for my sister and I, when Dad would take us for our Sunday outing. Just about every week, rain or shine, we would pile into the car and depending on the weather, we would head off for one of our venues. If the weather was kind, then the destination would invariably be the Botanic Gardens, but if the weather was a bit lousy (and this was Dunedin after all), the destination would be either the Public Art Gallery, the Dunedin Museum or the Early Settlers Museum. The highlight of our Sunday outing was always the obligatory ice-cream on the way home - something we looked forward to with real excitement each week.

Looking back now, as kids growing up in the 60's and early 70's, we had plenty of fun things we could be doing with our friends and sometimes we resented having to traipse around the Art Gallery or the Museum on a Sunday afternoon, but with the benefit of hindsight, I am so glad Dad took the time to share his time and interests with us. I have no doubt it was this that awakened my passion for history, anthropology and most importantly of all, before the internet age, gave me an enquiring mind, Thank you for that Dad!     

Dad worked for many years (46 I think) doing a factory job that he didn't particularly enjoy. I once queried him as to why he stayed at this job when he didn't really enjoy it. To my youthful mind it seemed a bit silly. His answer was enlightening as to the character of this man. He told me that with a young family to feed and clothe, security mattered more than anything to him and his job gave him that security.

Dad was a highly intelligent man, one of the smartest people I've ever known actually and I have no doubt he could have done anything he'd turned his mind to, if he'd wanted to. But he made the decision, very early on, that family was the most important thing to him and security of that family was paramount, so he'd stay where he was. I respect him so much for that. 

Both Dad and Mum showed us children what being in a relationship was all about (not that we always listened). They stayed together for life, through the hardships, the trials as well as the good times and they showed, by example, how to make a marriage work and work well. You were both great role models and its just a shame we didn't always take note, That's all you can do though, point the way and hope we follow and you both did that magnificently.

More than anything, this man showed his true mettle when placed under extremely trying circumstances. Anyone who knows me, knows that in my sometimes turbulent and torrid life, I have done some things that would make many parents just "disown" their children. 

Dad and Mum, despite everything I threw at them over the years, were always the very first people to come running to help me when I needed it. They forgave when forgiveness was neither deserved nor warranted. They supported me through some incredibly tough times and they both showed a heart for their family and a love for their children that places them at the very top of the tree. That's what makes Dad so special and that's what makes him a hero in my eyes.

I am sure that those last few, lonely, years after Mum's passing were much more tolerable for him with the regular visits of his children, grand-children, and even great grand-children. Sadly, for me, the last time I saw him was when I left for The Philippines, almost five years ago.

I will never forget the last farewell; when he hugged me (I can;t remember him ever doing that before) and with his voice breaking slightly, he grumbled in my ear "keep in touch". For Dad that was a rare show of emotion and one I'll treasure forever.

I will finish this little reminisce down memory lane, with my Dad, by telling you about the last telephone call I had with him. 

I was feeling pretty excited about it and just a little bit too proud also. I had just had my first book published and I knew Dad had had a copy for a couple of months, so I was excited to hear his reaction to it and was looking for that fawning affirmation of praise. I would be disappointed. 

​"So," I said; "did you read my book?" 

There was a moment of silence before his gravelly voice replied; 

"Ahhhh....well, I did read the first chapter...but...you know, it wasn't really my cup of tea." 

Deflated was I! But that was Dad. He didn't leave you in any doubt what he thought and he did try to soften the blow with his afterthought. 

"It's hard to read in here anyway....and my eyesight's not what it used to be. It would make a great movie!" 

Thanks Dad and thanks for a life well spent, in the service of your family. 

Rest well! No doubt you've been busy catching up with five years of gossip from Mum.

We never say this enough in our lives but better late than never; "I love you Dad. Thanks for everything!"

 Till next week, have a wonderful, peace-filled day! ​

I was looking back over my last few month's blogs and I came to the realisation that my thinking and my blogging was becoming very narrow and very focused on just one area of my life - writing!

Now, that's fine, in itself; I am an author after all, so it is natural that books take up so much of my every day, whether reading them, reviewing them, writing them, or that other time-consuming task of trying to sell them. What gave me pause for thought though was the underlying core beliefs that I was talking about in my earlier blogs of 2015; the things that truly make us tick as human beings. Was I losing sight of those things?
At the end of 2015, when we departed for our brief Christmas vacation in Mindoro, I was feeling tired, worn out and just a tad stressed. It occurred to me that this was not the way I should be feeling. If I followed and lived by the precepts that I had been preaching earlier in the year, I should feel fulfilled, renewed and joyful.
With that in mind I decided to take the first blog of 2016 and remind myself why those fundamental, core, beliefs are important to me physically, mentally and spiritually.
In the spirit of the New Year it is time for some rebirth and renewal.

Let's just pause, for a few moments, before we rush headlong into all the projects we have planned for this year and remind ourselves what we are trying to achieve.

What is the number one goal of my life? Indeed what should be the number one goal of everyone's life?

TO BE HAPPY!

I therefore have to ask myself; am I doing the necessary things to make myself happy? As I became more and more focused on getting books into the market-place and promoting them, the answer to that question had, by the end of 2015, become...nah! Not so much!
So, back to fundamentals. What is happiness? How do we achieve it and how do we hold onto it? 
Happiness, contrary to popular belief, is NEVER the result of external circumstances. We can not rely on the outside world to make us happy. We've all said things like: "Oh, I'll be happy when I've paid off this mortgage; or "I'll be happy when the kids graduate College"; or that old chestnut, "I'll be happy when I find the right partner." That is all a crock people. The outside world will never bring you happiness.
Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is a CHOICE and it is a choice we have to make every single day. We have to choose to be happy, in spite of our external circumstances, not because of them.
OK, fair point! I had rather lost sight of that precept. You see, I had found my "bliss", I was a full-time author, so I naturally presumed that the happiness would be a long-term part of fulfilling my dream and following my bliss.
This is the fallacy that has unwittingly trapped me, so my number one goal for 2016 has to be to make that choice, every single day, to be happy. Unless I do that, I will slowly, but surely allow the circumstances of the outside world to erode my own personal happiness.

Allied to making the choice to be happy is the second re-commitment I will make to myself in 2016. That is; TO MAKE TIME FOR MYSELF!
Following your dreams and doing what you love is wonderful, make no mistake about it. I love and I live, to write, but like any job it should not be all-consuming. It should not occupy every waking second (and many of my sleeping seconds) of my day.
Yes, I have to make the time to switch off from Grant, the Author and just become boring, old, Grant, the man (or as my son so lovingly puts it Grant - the silly, old, fart)..
I, like millions of self-help gurus and indeed common sense, know the absolute best time to centre yourself, to make that choice to be happy, and to mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepare yourself for the day ahead, is the first twenty or so minutes after you wake up.
I need to make the commitment to give myself that time to prepare for the day. It is too easy, especially if you are excited about what you will be doing that day, to jump out of bed, grab the coffee and get the new day rocking and rolling. What I would suggest is just spending a few minutes, every morning, thinking about the things you are grateful for and the things that make you happy. I can guarantee, by the time you do roll down to the table for your coffee, your state of mind will be positive, upbeat, and perhaps more importantly, you will be in a wonderful mood for your partner and/or children.
In exactly the same vein, I need to practice (yes practice) relaxation, especially in the evenings. Relaxation is not always something that comes naturally to all of us. Some of us, especially writers, find it incredibly difficult to turn off. We always have some new plot idea, character arc, or wonderful, new story churning around in our minds. My suggestion to you, and to me, is to do something totally unrelated to your "day job" that makes you happy; be it watching mindless dross on TV, playing a video game, sitting out in the garden with a glass of wine, or even a spot of meditation. It doesn't matter, just remove yourself and your mind from the day to day travails and activities.
​So. my number two commitment is to make more time for myself.

My final commitment to myself this 2016 is to be there more for my wife and children; TO MAKE TIME FOR MY FAMILY! You know how it is, your wife/husband/partner, or your daughter/son/whoever, wants to tell you something that happened that day, or something they've been pondering over, or just something they saw on the news, and what do you do? 
Oh sure, you half-listen, and you nod appropriately at the right points or mutter "oh dear" or "well done", whatever seems right. Yet, at the same time, you're glancing at the TV screen, or reading a little more of the article, book, blog, that you happened to be on at the time. Possibly, you're thinking about the words you wrote that day, or that problems at work. We've all done it and we've all excused ourselves for doing it. "Oh, I have so much on my mind".
Newsflash peoples! Your family is more important than your work or your current preoccupation. I am certainly guilty of this and no; saying "oh, I'm just multi-tasking", is not an acceptable answer, for me. The reality, for me anyway is, my family are the number one thing I am most grateful for and as such deserve and command my utmost attention.
So, for them I will make that extra effort to make more time for them.     

So, there we have it; the three things I will work on this year to ensure that when 2016 comes to an end I will not be a worn-out husk of a writer with no passion and joy left.
For me, the key to achieving this is one word - DELIBERATE!

I must DELIBERATELY choose to be happy every day.

I must DELIBERATELY choose to make that extra time for myself each day. 

I must DELIBERATELY choose to make more time for my family. 

Nothing in this world happens by chance. We made the choices yesterday that determined where we are today and we make the choices today that will determine where we are tomorrow.

I leave you with this one thought:

​Whatever else you do, choose to be in control of you! Don't let outside forces determine who you are and where you are going. You are a unique, wonderful, human being and you are in control of your own destiny.

Till next week, have a wonderful, peace-filled day!